Where exactly does *s * e * x* start and * s * e * x* end? Is it the moment you take your clothes off? Is it when you perform one of your favorite sex acts? Is it penetration — is that sex? Does it end at climax, orgasm or fluid exchange? We all have a sexual energy within that manifests in our world in many ways. Our experience of our sexual energy can change dramatically with breast cancer, as we wonder about our desirability and attractiveness.

During and after cancer treatments many people experience deprivation when it comes to healthy sexual energy. Whether or not you’re having sex is not the real question. The real question is how you are experiencing the depth and preciousness of connection to your life force energy, whether alone or with a lover.

Try on the idea that ~ S ~ E ~ X ~ is really

• Sacred Energy Exchange


• Sensual Energy Exchange

As well as

• Sexual Energy Exchange

We all want to feel deeply seen, loved and “gotten” for the essence of who we are. We want to feel loved. And we often think the best way to have that experience has to do with something that happens in our genitals. Yes, of course it’s possible to experience intimacy and pleasure in our body during sexual play. If what we really want is deep intimacy and connection, let’s expand the horizon to include sacred and sensual energy exchange. This is especially important if your body doesn’t work in the same ways as before cancer.

How to do that?

Try this with your sweetheart: first, agree that this will be a special time and that you will be gentle and kind with yourself and with each other. Light a candle or play some soft background music if you like. Sit facing each other so that your heads are about 12-18 inches apart. Look into each other’s eyes, hold hands and take several deep breaths together as you continue to look into each other’s eyes. As you sit and gaze and breathe, notice your experience. It may feel a bit awkward at first, but stick with it. Then notice whether your heart feels more open; whether you can feel an exchange of love and energy between your hearts; whether you can see into their soul. You’ve heard the adage that the eyes are the windows to the soul. As you sit, really look into your partner’s eyes, as if your heart had eyes to see through. At the same time, allow yourself to relax and be seen, as your partner gazes into your soul through your eyes.

After a few minutes, close your eyes and do an internal check of your experience and feelings. Then open your eyes and take a couple minutes each to share your experience. Listen to each other with kindness, curiosity and love.

Cultivating the practice of being together in this way can create a new kind of intimacy that you didn’t imagine possible, and it only takes a few minutes.

© 2012 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
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This blog does not reflect the opinions of The Pink Fund, its Founder, Board of Directors, Advisors or Volunteers.  It is not meant to serve as medical advise of any kind.  Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer who voluntarily blogs for The Pink Fund without compensation.

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