The heart of desire is a yearning or longing to know ourselves more fully, to be intimate with ourselves. After all, the only partner we have for our entire life is ourselves.  If we don’t experience intimacy and love for ourselves, we can’t really fully receive it when it comes from our partner or someone we love.

What do you desire for you? Inner peace? Freedom? Good health? Abundance? Better intimacy and sexuality? Something else?

How do you call forth whatever you yearn for? In an integrated approach to desire, we combine our senses, consciousness, and all of our being, so that we can approach the fulfillment of our desires.

The vehicle for this exploration is our body. Our body is embedded in our consciousness, so full acceptance of it is crucial for attaining absolute freedom. By igniting our senses, knowing bodily pleasure, and connecting with our hearts and our version of the divine, we begin to set ourselves free of shame, guilt, and whatever beliefs imprison us.

After cancer, bodily pleasure can seem elusive. Things may not work in the same way, parts may be missing or altered, we may have numb or painful areas. Being able to experience pleasure in our bodies is a big part of healing. I’m not only talking about sexual pleasure. Think of how good it feels to have a pedicure or a massage, to literally feel your body again. Many women dissociate or “leave” their bodies during treatment as a coping mechanism. But then we forget how to come back. Take some time to let your body be loved and appreciated in nonsexual ways. What might bring you pleasure? Do some brainstorming and jot down some notes about your ideas, then give yourself the gift of pleasure.

When it comes to being sexually connected to yourself and your partner, a good starting point is to honor and respect each other. You may find that your sexuality has changed dramatically with your cancer treatments. Feeling desirable or desiring your partner may feel like a memory, or it may feel scary. It’s completely understandable, so allow yourself to be where you are, to feel your feelings, and be gentle, to honor and respect you.

In your sexual integrity, desire invites a kind of honesty, a nervous excitement where there’s no rush to cover up desire or push it away, or to make it bigger than it is. This is a tender place, so take some time to recognize what is the state of your intimate and sexual desire. Don’t be shy and do be honest. Sometimes desire is a tiny spark and sometimes it’s a big flame, and sometimes something else. When you speak the truth about where you are, you create intimacy and tenderness. This is the best starting point.

From here you can speak about your love, what you see, what you’d like to do with your partner, whether it be lovely, lustful or lascivious. Listen to what they want. And see where it leads you…

From January 14-25 I’m hosting the Go Forth and Thrive After Cancer telesummit. Each day there are 2 interviews with experts on various aspects of what it takes to thrive and evolve after cancer comes into your life. I’ll be talking with people like Marianne Williamson, the NY Times best selling author and mystic; our own Molly MacDonald about The Pink Fund; Gary Malkin, Emmy-award winning composer about music as medicine for the heart, and many more. It’s free! To listen in, click here to register:  www.cancertelesummit.com.

© 2012 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
For more resources, go to SexyAfterCancer.com

This blog does not reflect the opinions of The Pink Fund, its Founder, Board of Directors, Advisors or Volunteers. It is not meant to serve as medical advise of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer who voluntarily blogs for The Pink Fund without compensation.

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