Bring Back Your Sexy ~ The Seventh Tool


Continuing with the 10 Tools and Power Tools for Bringing Back Your Sexy After Cancer:

#7. Have A Weekly Sex Date

Make a “date” each week to talk about sex, preferably not when you’re having sex.  There are lots of ways you can have this date, so be creative. Here are some suggestions:

  • Sit with your clothes on and talk about what your body feels like now, what your concerns and fears are, what questions you have for your sweetheart, asking what they might like in terms of intimacy, Calendar with date circled in redsensuality and sex. Practice the reflective listening, and if you want to jot down a note or two about what they’re saying so you can remember it, do that.
  • Talk about ways that you feel loved and what you like physically and sexually. Then take one thing that each person has said and make an agreement to try that out during the next few days. The important thing is to start wherever you are.
  • If you haven’t been sexual for a while, you might begin with just holding each other and gently stroking each other’s bodies. Or you might start with a kissing session, giving yourself over to that lovely exploration with your lips and mouths. You get the idea ~ be open and patient, go slowly and honor yourself and your sweetie. There’s no rush back into intercourse.

Here’s how my partner and I do this ~ we take off our clothes and get into bed and lie down on our sides, facing each other, close enough so that we can touch comfortably. We don’t have a plan for the evening, but are open to any possibility. For a few minutes, we look into each other’s eyes and breathe, connecting. We feel the connection through our eyes (the windows to the soul), through our hearts, and in our energy. Once we feel deeply connected, one or both of us says what we feel inspired to do in the moment. It might be to continue eye gazing and breathing; perhaps we stroke each other’s face, neck and shoulders; sometimes we kiss; sometimes we massage each other; sometimes one of us wants to be held and cradled by the other; sometimes we want to have intercourse. Whatever is there, and feels good to both of us is what we do. If someone wants something different, we ask for it. If something doesn’t feel good, we stop. If we are having intercourse, we take the goal of orgasm off the table so that we can enjoy whatever is happening. Sometimes there is orgasm, sometimes not. It’s not about that. It’s about being close, feeling our love and expanding our intimate and sexual experiences beyond the genitals.

Make sure you put your date on the calendar. Life is so busy and full that it can easily get crossed off the list. And your love is more important than anything else!

© 2012 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
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This blog does not reflect the opinions of The Pink Fund, its Founder, Board of Directors, Advisors or Volunteers. It is not meant to serve as medical advise of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer who voluntarily blogs for The Pink Fund without compensation.

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