Last week we explored resistance. Sometimes resistance stems from confusion so we’ll examine this now…

Intimacy and sexuality can get confusing when breast cancer comes into the equation. Lots of women say that their intimate and sexual life wasn’t all that great before diagnosis and treatment. Afterwards it can feel like such an ordeal that it’s hardly worth it, or it’s now confusing how to navigate this terrain without a road map.

It’s easy to feel confused about emotions, boundaries, satisfaction, attraction, libido, body function and arousal, to name a few. These can all change dramatically. And the confusion can trigger lots of feelings including anger, judgment, fear and sadness.

A powerful and positive viewpoint for all of this, or whatever you may be feeling, is to see confusion as a doorway to inspire curiosity. It’s possible to expand our definitions, experiences and dreams about intimacy and sexuality if you’re willing to be curious. How so?

Begin by asking yourself some questions. Here’s one way to experiment with this:

  • Make some time for you, maybe a few hours on a weekend or an evening. Make yourself a cup of tea or pour a glass of wine, sit in a comfy chair with your journal, and light a candle or put on some background music. In other words, make this a date with you to be curious about you.
  • As you settle in, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and relax. Call on your compassion and curiosity, and trust that you’ll get just what you need from this time.
  • Ask yourself these questions and write down whatever comes to mind, without editing or judging what you write. Just let it flow.

~  How do I feel about my body? Do I know that I’m beautiful and attractive?

~  What can I do to love and accept my body as it is now? Mirror practices? Buy some pretty lingerie? Have a massage? See a therapist or counselor? Something else?

~ What is attractive about my body? What would my dearest friends say about my body?

~ Am I willing to explore and learn about my body and what brings me pleasure now? How might I do that?

~ Do I understand eroticism and what that means for me? What stimulates feelings of eroticism for me? Reading erotica? Imagining scenes or adventures? Finding and activating my inner          Aphrodite or other goddess archetype?

~ Do I need to learn more about intimacy and sexuality? How can I do that? Books? Support group? Sex educator or therapist? Advice from friends? Talking with my partner?

  • Are there other questions that occur to you as you explore your thoughts, feelings and needs? If so, write them down and write about what comes to you.

After you’ve explored these questions, read what you’ve written. Look through the eyes of curiosity and look for threads or places where you need something. Once you reveal the roots of your confusion you can begin to understand yourself better and open doorways into discovering new ways to experience pleasure, love, intimacy and sexual play.

I’d love to know what you discover and if you have questions about this. Please write so we can be sister explorers in this new land of discovery!

© 2012 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.

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This blog does not reflect the opinions of The Pink Fund, its Founder, Board of Directors, Advisers or Volunteers. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer who voluntarily blogs for The Pink Fund without compensation.

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