Presence and Mindfulness


As you become more internally integrated between you heart, mind, body and sexuality, you will probably also be more present with yourself and with others. To be present is also to be mindful. By that I mean that you are willing to cultivate the practice of taming the ever-scampering thoughts that run through your mind every minute of every day, by focusing on what’s in your immediate experience.

The average person thinks about 60,000 thoughts a day and about 5-10% of those thoughts are conscious. The remaining 90-95 % are the unconscious thought that really run the show. Most people think things are just the way they are and that’s the way life is. They don’t realize that working with presence, mindfulness and thoughts is a key to freedom.

How to take yourself on in this way? A great place is with our senses. Our 5 senses ~ sight, sounds, smell, taste and touch ~ are portals to the present moment. Next time you’re watching a sunset or looking at your lover’s face, really look at it. Make contact with the full essence of your being as if you’ve never seen the sun or those eyes before, and notice what happens in your body. Smell the nape of his neck, her hair and skin, and take in the effect this has on your pleasure and arousal systems. Listen to the sounds of pleasure as you stroke your lover’s face, see how their expression changes and feel their body relax. Taste their tongue and then your tongues mingle with one another, focusing only on that sensation.

Focusing on the pleasure in your body is a mindfulness practice and it’s designed to give you permission to experience your own pleasure. Really tune in as you sense through your body and see if you can also integrate sight, sound, smell and taste along with touch. The key to presence and mindfulness is to not be ruled by those pesky thoughts that want to intrude. You might say aloud or to yourself, “Thank you for sharing. I’m experiencing pleasure in the present moment.” And then consciously bring your attention back to the sensations. What you are seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting or touching brings you into the presence, the eternal now.

Here are a few practices to help you use your senses to be present and mindful:

  • When you eat your next meal, do it in silence. See, smell and Taste each morsel of food as you bring it to your mouth and gently chew it. Don’t chew your thoughts. Savor each swallow before you go on to the next one.
  • Sit quietly with your lover with eyes open and gaze at them. Really see them and put your attention on your senses as you gaze ~ listen to their breathing and yours, smell the unique aroma of them, hold their hand and feel their skin, look into the center of their eye. As you sit with them, take them in ans savor every sensation in each moment.

Share with us what you notice, what you learn and how that feels to you. We can all learn from each other and be present with each other in profound ways.

© 2012 by Barbara Musser, Sexy After Cancer.
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This blog does not reflect the opinions of The Pink Fund, its Founder, Board of Directors, Advisers or Volunteers. It is not meant to serve as medical advice of any kind. Any questions about your health and sexuality should be directed to a licensed physician or therapist. Any opinions expressed are solely those of the writer who voluntarily blogs for The Pink Fund without compensation.

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